once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
