I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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