I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
