Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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