What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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