Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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