if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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