We're facebook friends in real life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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