I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
