I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
