New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
