OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
