Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
