absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
