She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
