Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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