Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
