; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
