Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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