We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
