beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
