dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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