I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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