mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
