It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
