you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
