over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
