So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
