I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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