Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
