I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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