i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house