so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.