Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight