when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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