Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo