I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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