You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.