I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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