dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
