watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
