so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
