Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
