How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
