Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
