New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
