my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
