We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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