We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
