Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
