I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
