So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please come you make the beer taste better
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
