my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
