May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
