The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
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Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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