I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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