I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize