I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
