if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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