and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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