So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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