I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
