Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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