the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
