it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
