Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
