dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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