I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
