They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
