I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
