P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
