apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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