Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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