going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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