I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
