someone get that fucking seahorse.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
