So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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