like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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