Soap is not a condiment
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
