Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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