I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
