dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
