Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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