i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
