I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
