My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize