No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
