i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
