So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
