turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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