i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
