If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
