and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
