Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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