I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
